The Shadow Gallery

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 02:13:16 GMT

I just want to forget this, but it's everywhere I turn
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It's consequence that I let everything happen to me.
I was friends with Andrea and she lied to me and got with my crush and everyone went against me for some reason even though i was hurting immensely from it.
It's consequence that everyone thought it was alright for my BEST FRIEND to lie to me?

I know that you would not like that. You would all would say so for yourself, I'm sure.
So let me ask you all:
Why?

It's fine now, I guess, to make amends, everyone. I had winter break to cool down, right?
Wrong.
I'm still as pissed.
I'm still as hurt.
I'm still crying about what's been said.

Everytime I walk into my gym class, it's a constant reminder of betrayal.
And Brandyn? Yeah, he's a reeeal cool guy. Cool enough to be friends with even!
I don't talk to him, and yet he always seems to have something to say to me!
I am called 'Shrek' in the hallway multiple times a day to get a reaction from him.
How cooool is that! :)

He is a fucking immature asshole.
What the FUCK did I do to him?

You ALL know, if things were said to you in the hallway like that, multiple times need I remind you, I would flip the script for you, especially if you were Alicia.

But, it's just me I guess.
It's just Chelsea.
Who cares, right??
She already got her heart torn to bits from her best friend's own desire, greed, and lust. Oh, and the guy she liked for more than his stupid cunt of a girlfriend even knew him for, right?

I may be able to forgive, but I will never be able to forget.

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 19:50:29 GMT

My new year's resolutions:
Stop smoking cigarettes
Lose weight

Right now I'm enjoying a pita bread sandwich with lettuce, turkey, and provolone, bowl of fruit, and a propel. oh yaa

Antioxidants/fruits = good sex life, just so you all know lol

Last night, Alicia, Devin, and I went to Jasmine's and gave her her gifts we got her for xmas :D
Not gonna lie, we drank and had good ol' fun :)
dancefloor dale is the funniest shit I've ever seen. ahhhhhh

I'm happy, for now C:
Winter break is what I really needed
And I love Mollie and Alicia. Mollie has a sexy boonsie and Alicia is the shit.
Love 'em.

'Cause the cat's the only cat, Alicia has a nice asss'

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:35:26 GMT

Well the Colts are kicking ass.

I wanna kick some one's ass still.. but I think I'll let karma do her job..

Does Andrew even know about James? Probably not. Or vise versa?

Andrea talks a lot of shit too, so you should ask about that..
When we fought, she talked MAD shit even when she had no reason to really, about 2 people especially..
Just ask her about it :D If she denies it, WHOA, imagine that, she's lying
again/b>

You think your friends are your friends.

Alicia stayed the night last night. We put up christmas lights in my room, that eventually fell on my face in the morning, lol
"FUCK THESE MOTHERFUCKING LIGHTS!"

I only have her now, and I am content with that.
Just like old times :)

My hair was a wild mess earlier, but now its soft and clean.

I showered Thursday morning, and then today, haha, can you say hippy?
C:

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:46:01 GMT

Andrea and Andrew

...

yep..

Wish I was making that up, but no..

My best friend and MY crush..

*sigh*

And I did nothing, absolutely nothing..

Yes, I did smoke pot.. Yes, I did start hanging out with Alicia like I used to do everyday..

That is NO FUCKING justification to LIE to me, GO BEHIND my back, and BACKSTAB me..

I haven't been happy for awhile, and I just want to be. I'm not a bad person, but I always seem to get fucked over..
What's even worse is that my own flesh and blood sister hates me..
That's great..
What did I do?

I'm fucking pissed, angry, upset, depressed, confused, and hurt.
The most of all, hurt..

Fuck this

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:28:20 GMT

I messaged brittany on facebook..
_________________________________

I sort of want to say I told you so, but that would be super rude.

I never really had a problem with you, until I knew you were the "other girl" which I'm sure you know how that sort of feeling is, the anger I mean. I know how it feels to be cheated on, and I'm sorry it happened to you. I don't expect or want you to apologize to me, and that's not the point of this.

Cameron seriously is a low life, and trust me, if he cheated on some one like me, who's completely devoted, loving, and honest, than I guess no one is good enough for him (although he isn't really good enough for anyone like us..). He can't get a job, he has no high school education or license.

I hope you stay away from him for good. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and you'll get hurt again if you do.

When we broke up, because of you, I knew I couldn't talk to him anymore, because it would be a constant reminder of something I didn't want to think about. I am "immature" in his eyes for not wanting to, even though I do have a license, the qualifications for a job, and on my way to graduating 4th in my class.

I am not trying to rub it in your face. I just hate having problems with people. You live and you learn, and I really hope you've learned to stay away from guys like him.

You don't have to feel obligated to reply, if you even get this far, and you may think it's stupid of me to message you, but I want to know how you're doing. I would have really liked it if some one did this for me, that's why I thought I would message you..

You haven't dropped out of school have you? I remember he told me you were thinking about it.
______________________________________________________________________________________________

I was pretty neutral, imo.

And I had my friends for me during the whole CAMERON CHEATED!! stage of my life.. lol

I'm just tired of hating some one with a passion, and thought I'd lend an ear and some stuff with some one who was in my position.
Although, she was the reason I was in that position..

I dunno.. I just wanted to get it off my chest..

I'm kinda anxious to see what she says.

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:24:42 GMT

So I'm a little nervous atm.
I am going to the movies at 7:20 with Andrew, Lora, and Zack.
Andrea and Josh are a maybe.
I asked Brandyn but he has to work :/

I'm very pissed off.
Because of my car.

Some one busted the front right headlight. It still works, and it was only the turn signal part.
My car bogs out or something every now and then. It will go, then coast, and won't let me accelerate, and it happens for like 10 seconds. When i press on the gas, it'll go up to like 2 RPM and then ill stop pressing it and it still won't go. :/

I don't think my dad knows, cause he'd blow up on me.
He already did when I tried to tell him about what's already wrong.

I just want my car fixed.

Last night, I think Zack and Josh placed a gnome riding a frog on my car xD hahah

I woke up at 11:21 today O_O A day before noon that I wake up?! WHHAAA?! haha

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:37:15 GMT

Soy contenta.

I got really high with Nicole, Betsy, Katie, Chuckie, Andrea. :D

It was fun.
I'm kinda coming down from it now.
And I'm talking to Andrew Green :]

Hahah.

Wed, 14 May 2008 03:09:42 GMT

I'm never, ever getting past the best friend stage.
Or, I just began in it, and I can't get out.

Whatever.

I'm really upset right now.

Wed, 07 May 2008 22:31:44 GMT

I gots a haircut.
It's the same thing as i had, just shorter and a lil more wispies in the front.
:D

Mon, 05 May 2008 01:50:02 GMT

Today I am draaiined.

Friday:
Half day, thank god. It was nice outside, for awhile.
Alicia and I get into my car, and WHOA, flat tire..
So I parked next to the Band trailer and saw Andrew Green drive by and said, "I got a flat!!" *points to car*
He pulled over, I tested some cool techno beatz in his car (cause he has a crazy ass sub) and I asked him to help, and he did, minus talking on the phone to whomever for 50 years -_-
Alicia got her hands all black from my tire xD haha
But we got the tire on and it was all good.

Went to Alicia's, saw Cameron, she screamed, "CAMERON... *he looks at her* YOU'RE A FUCKING DIIICCCKKK!!!" *he walks away*
haha

Then, I came home, told my mom about what happened and sheem..
Alicia and I got Jasmine.
We saw Brandyn. We hung with him for awhilez at the Primary.
Then Josh B. and Kelsey E. pulled up and talked about weed for awhile.
I got high in the parking lot with them, hah, minus Alicia and Jasmine.
FUCKING BRANDYN ALMOST KILLED ME, lmao.
I took one major hit off his bowl.. it was.. huge.. and I choked for like 15 minutes..
I hadn't done that in 5 months.
I had fun, but Jasmine drove my car, which, no offense, I just don't like people driving my car -_-

Then Alicia and I crashed at Jasmine's, after eating some weird Vegi-hotdogs O_O which weren't too bad and I listened to Daft Punk and came up with crazzyyy ideas.. hah

Saturday:
I wanted to got to Andrew Green's party, but I chickened out, which is expected from me haha. Alicia and I stayed at Andrew Trueblood's, with Jimi and Devin.
We talked his mom into letting us drink.
We played quarters and had a lot of fun.
I freakin' texted Andrew G. for 3 hours... I should have turned my phone off lmao. I pretty much rambled about nothing.. :/
Alcohol + Cell Phone = Fail

Sunday:
Came home, really tired.
Showered, I smelled like a basket of onions and blargh.
Got prettied up, cause I felt like it.
Apologized to Andrew G. for rambling about nothing at all for 3 hours.. =/
Hung out with Alicia, Devin, Andrea, and Josh at Jackson Morrow.
DEVIN rubbed a SWASS finger on my nose... TWICE.... Ugh, but he apologized, so it's all good.
Came back home.
Got some more gas and picked up Betsy from Derrick's, where I saw Cakey-Face Slutbag and short 21yr old irish ass who can't get a g/f in his own age range, but I ignored them. I am beginning to just ignore them and it's all good then! =)
Changed my tire again, to the one that actually goes with my car, so I don't have a jank black one ahah

I still realllyyy like Andrew Green. -_- gah..
Surprised me he actually stopped in the school parking lot.

All in all, I had a nice weekend.

Thu, 01 May 2008 03:27:41 GMT

Well sheem..

Pretty sure Andrew Arnett doesn't like me..
He was telling me about this girl he had feelings for..
Which isn't me..

Soo..

Whatever. I'm done trying to like people and think anythings going to happen..

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:36:11 GMT

My dog had her puppy! :D

I'll post a picture later

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 02:07:34 GMT

TitanPharoh: One more tiiiiimmeeee
merovingian2009: We're gonna celebrate.
TitanPharoh: Celebrate and dance too freee
merovingian2009: Come on. Alright. We're gonna celebrate, yeah.

This makes me smile, cause I love this music! Yaya.
That's Andrew A. btw!
(rhymes)

I'm tired at the moment.
And I was a little sad..
But I'm good now.
Cause I gots my techno, friends, good weather, and a sweet guy to like.
:]

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:38:52 GMT

Mmm I'm tired.

I like two Andrews.. haha I know weird.

The one, I know will never work cause I'm very sure he doesn't like me like that, and his friends are douches and he would choose them over me.
But, I like him.

The other, I like immensely. He's funny, addicted to DDR, and nice. I don't really get the "I LIKE YOU" vibe from him though, but I guess he's weird about that kinda stuff, so I don't know.

The one is ghetto and out there, the other isn't.
The one is not into girls like me, and the other should be, cause we have a lot in common.

Hmm..

But I'm tired.
And listening to some of the various songs that Andrew A. gave me. :D

Lora.. *shakes head*
TitanPharoh: im torn between two andrews.
lorasaur x3: hah. yousa a sandwich.
lorasaur x3: an andrew sandwich

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 03:00:51 GMT

So I give up on liking my crush.
It would never work.
The end.

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:17:47 GMT

AGH. Still sick, but getting slightly better ;)

Yesterday was really upsetting for me. I went with my dad to do some random stuff around town, and then he got me a phone card. So I thought, "Ehh, I got some extra moneyz to spend on my phone." So I traveled to Target to get 2 15$ cards to put on. I get there, and lo and behold, there is Betsy and Derrick, her bf, which is also Cameron's brother. I didn't think anything of it, and I was all OH HAI! =) and we walked and they were acting weird. Finally on our way back to the cashiers, I was all wtf is up with you guys? and my sister did the "IF I TELL YOU, DON'T GET MAD AT ME." thing and I was like -_- you guys are meeting up with Cameron and Brittany, aren't you? and they were like =/ yeah.

So I stormed off to the cashier, paid for my shit, walked angrily to my car, slammed my car door, and broke down. It hurt me a lot to see my sister hanging around the guy who cheated on me and also who I want to forget.

I cried, and listened to angry music the whole way home, and then when I got to my neighborhood, I saw Cara driving them and I just wanted to ram my fucking car into them. I then proceeded to cry more heavily.. and I went to the school's parking lot and called Alicia, cause I was seriously about to like kill myself or something, cause I couldn't see or think clearly.

I just seriously want to forget him, and when my sister pulls that shit on me, it makes me rethink our relationship with each other. She apologized to me sincerely when she got home and sat next to me, even though she knew I didn't want her to, I felt glad that she did, cause I know she needs me in times like that and also was really regretting doing what she did. She left me alone after that and told me not to think about him anymore. But I did.

UNTIL, I texted a certain man and pranked him xD hah.
I really like him.
A lot.

We texted back and forth for awhile. He's in Tennessee, and I'm tempted to ask him when he gets back and see if he wants to hang out. But I dunnooooo.

I feel good today, sick wise and emotionally (although I know the period is looming close.. =/)

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:57:17 GMT

Blagh..

I feel angry and depressed a bit.

I have this GIANT crush. Can't stop thinking about him O_o.. It probably isn't even mutual, so I need to stop.. >_< But, I really can't think like that..
If a guy talks to you for like an hour online and poured his heart out about how hurt he was about his past relationship and then is interested in yours and offers to beat his ass after hearing it, would you think he likes you? Or, honks and waves at you before school when you were getting out of your car, with a giant smile on his face?
GAHH.. v¿v I don't know, but I think there's a pretty good chance..

Anyways, today was boring and uneventful.. I went to the doctor's cause I'm feeling sick. :D YAY, spring break and I'm sick =)

I want to rip Brittany Wells fucking stupid fake, pug-like face off. :D

I'm so bored.

Spring Break sucks.

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 17:23:30 GMT

Last night I hung out with Alicia and Lora at Loralee's. We talked the whole time. It was good for all of us, and especially Lora, to open up and get everything out.

We then proceeded to go to Alicia's, where we met up with Devin. We just did random sheem, and tickled Devin. It was hilarious.

Then, Lora and I went to my house and ate chicken salad. Mmm. Then we drove around town, screaming in neighborhood's around Kokomo and attempting to steal a rock/landscaping brick from Rural King. LOL, we didn't though. MM HMM. Then, I figured out my ass was soaked with one Lora's 6000 Propel bottles contents. lol.

We listened to this Independent song. I love it. It's bassy and delicious.

I'm at the phase where I just get pissed about the whole Cameron thing. I want to shoot his face in. God, he really pisses me off. I rjknkwntwrk. The end.

GAH, and this crush of mine, I think he likes me, which isn't very GAH!, but good. I think he likes me at least. I'm a bit afraid to be like OH HAI with him though, cause the whole cheating thing I've been put through, twice.. I'm scared to like some one this much, to say the least..

It's bad that I liked him the whole time I was dating Cameron.. -_- But I dunno. Cameron screwed me over anyways, fucking bitch ass motherfucker.. v_v

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:59:57 GMT

Okay, I talked to Cameron..

This is what went down:
Cameron: may we talk for a bit? and ill leave ya alone kk... if not just say no and thatll be it from me
c_saywhat: What do you want to talk about?
Cameron: well i was wonderin if u still wanted to be friends or not u never answered
c_saywhat: I don't know.
Cameron: ...
(long pause for like 3 minutes)
c_saywhat: Okay, no, I don't.
c_saywhat: I'm pissed.
c_saywhat: and I feel hurt. and.. yeah
c_saywhat: so.. I don't know what kind of answer you want..
Cameron: wow ok then never done this of all people i thought u would be mature about shit but if thats the way u want it then fine u dont wanna be friends then be that way i cant do or say anything to change that ill immediately remove u from all my friends list and u obviouly just dont understand y i had i had to do what i had to do later
(He signs off right after)

OKAY, ME BE THE MATURE ONE. I just got cheated on and I'm going to want to be friends with him?

What the hell, he HAD to do what he HAD to, which means fuck around with Brittany Wells? Makes total fucking sense.

I'm fucking pissed..

On a lighter note, I have a major crush on some one. lol =]

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 19:05:59 GMT

I just got back from Kirsten's. I had an awesome time, and I cried when I came home. I miss her already. Sure, we've all changed, but I still love all my friends. =)

My water pump on my car is shot. So, either my mom is taking me to school, or the bus is, and I'm hopeing my mom will take us, cause the bus = stupid..

I still find myself getting sad over the Cameron thing, bad dreams and along time = me depressed.

I've come to the realization that if I'm happy, it won't be for long.

Yep.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:21:38 GMT

Here I am again, in the same old place.

I can never win.

Cameron and I's relationship is over. I do not want to go into detail.

I just spent the last hour and a half typing a damn essay.

It is hard to think/type when your whole face hurts and your eyes feel like falling out.

I do not want to go to school tomorrow.

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:13:25 GMT

Ugh, I feel like shit.

In between throwing my guts up and diarrhea though, it isn't too bad!

Srsly though, ever since i got back from Jasmine's I've felt completely blah. :(

Imma try to go back to bed..

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 00:11:57 GMT

I'm pissed right now.

It's my dad.

And he's made my sister really upset..

He pretty much hates Cameron.
And Derrick..

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 19:59:42 GMT

I am very content at the moment.

Cameron and I are doing well. He called me around 11 last night and we talked until 3. I love talking to him. Last night he told me I was sweet, caring, kind, and smart and thats what he loves about me and I was all =) haha.

We talked about life and death. It was weird how we can sit there and analyze this stuff together and not even think of how crazy we are from people who just don't even stop to think about that kind of stuff, like sight.. and feelings and weird creepy posthumous things O_O

It's sorta warm out today. I like that. I'm probably gonna clean muh car out today. It's got a bunch of stupid bits of stuff in the carpet and I also need a carwash.. Hmm..

I am getting addicted to Mass Effect again, lol.

Adios amigos, no estas usted
Adios amigos, no es bueno!

Bleh.

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:00:04 GMT

I am tired.

I cooked a pizza and i forgot about the cardboard thing on the bottom. I felt like a dumbo. But I put it back in. I schwant some pizza, yo.

Cramps. Gah, go away.

I was going to hang out with Cameron today, but things didn't work out.

He starts his job tomorrow, which excites me. Cause he needed one and worked really hard and got it. ^_^ woooooooooop

I think Imma go eat some pizza and sleep or something. I am totally drained from school, and I'm gonna try and go to bed early so I can wake up earlier. :D